Removing the Difficulty in Difficult Conversations

Difficult conversations are a part of life, whether it's addressing concerns about an employee's behaviour, discussing sensitive topics, such as money or communication, with a loved one, or giving feedback to a friend. While it's natural to want to avoid these conversations, they are often necessary for personal and professional growth. But there are practical steps you can take to have difficult conversations with confidence and clarity.

Prepare ahead of time

Before you initiate a difficult conversation, take some time to prepare. Think about what you want to say, how you want to say it, and what outcome you hope to achieve. Sometimes you may not be able to cover all of your points, so think about what is most important for you to convey. If you are nervous or worried you might forget, write down your thoughts. You don't need to take these notes into the conversation, but writing your thoughts prior to discussing, can help with recalling what you want to communicate in the moment.

When preparing, take a second to consider how the other person might respond, and remember that sometimes a person won't respond how we think they will. That's ok. You can only control how you choose to respond. Taking a few minutes to prepare can help you approach the conversation with greater confidence..

Consider your language, tone and listening

The way you say something can be just as important as what you say. Use "I" statements instead of "you" statements to avoid sounding accusatory. For example, instead of saying "You always interrupt me," try saying "I feel like I'm not able to fully express myself when I'm interrupted." Also, pay attention to your tone of voice and body language. Speak calmly and remember to maintain respect, even in moments of tension. Avoid using aggressive or defensive language.

Difficult conversations are a two-way street, and it's important to actively listen to the other person's perspective. Avoid interrupting or dismissing their feelings, even if you disagree with them. Instead, ask open-ended questions to encourage them to share more. Paraphrase what they say to show that you understand their point of view. Active listening can help build trust and show that you value their input.

Focus on Solutions

While it's important to identify the problem in a difficult conversation, it's equally important to focus on solutions. Instead of dwelling on what went wrong, focus on what can be done to improve the situation. Brainstorm ideas together and work collaboratively to identify a path forward that benefits everyone involved.

Having difficult conversations can be challenging, but it's an important part of our personal and professional growth. By preparing ahead of time, focusing on your language and tone, and actively listening, you can approach these conversations with confidence and clarity. Remember to stay calm and respectful, and keep the lines of communication open. It's normal to be nervous with these conversations, but with practice, you'll find that difficult conversations become easier to navigate, and can even lead to positive outcomes.